Away with the Fairies…

Laa-Laa

I am not nicknamed “La-La” for nothing you know…And I have no resemblance to the yellow Teletubby, Laa Laa.

I tell a lie: I DO own a Hoover with a face on it and my hair can sometimes look like a curly antenna…and I have no control over either!

My brain has been a fluffy marshmallow mush that has had no attention span for weeks now. I have been promising a blog. I have several in the making but nothing close to being finished. This is just an interim touch base- to say I haven’t forgotten you guys…

My head holds thoughts about as well as a sieve holds liquid at the moment.

It is very frustrating. I am full of good intentions and I do make a start…but then I get “Brain-Fog” and I become mentally exhausted. M.E. does that to you…It addles your brain and can make you think that you’re losing the plot at times!

I have to write down anything I need to remember or poof…its gone! I have coloured “Post It” notes, pads, pens and bits of paper all over the shop, set in place to assist my diminishing brain cells and be my back-up system. I have a daily diary and a health diary…But I can’t remember the last time I made an entry…

I have a dyslexic, head full of alphabet soup and pretty pictures one minute then creeping doubts and am a wandering, lost little girl, the next!

What with the brian-fog, which often gets typed as Brian-Fog, because of brain-fog, the constant mental fatigue and the millions of tiny distractions everyday that put a cog in my works; I seldom have a train of thought that reaches the station these days.

This NOT BEING ME for long periods can be very disconcerting…and sometimes very frightening at times.

It passes. I know it passes…But this time, the phase seems longer and the cognitive dysfunction more profound. I know its only temporary…It won’t last Lesley, tomorrow will be better, if not tomorrow the next week. Focus on that. Rest up and recover and soon, hopefully, you maybe able to do more than string a few sentences together, watch the Gogglebox and listen to Audible.

I miss the ability to read, to focus and follow a good bit of crime fiction. I miss having the mental capacity to get on with my attempt at a detective novel and organise my thoughts well enough to put them down in print.I am frustrated that everything I do manage to write, I need to check and double-check for spelling and grammar and that it makes sense for the reader. That in itself is so tiring that it sucks the blogging joy out of it. Ho-hum!

At least Facebook, eBay and Amazon are getting a rest- We normally have a full-on, very passionate relationship…but I haven’t even got the energy to flirt with social media, never mind play fast and loose with my empty purse and auction skills.

I still haven’t fully recovered from my public FB spanking for over-sharing…Still  tentative to tag you all in case I get another ban for trying to heighten the awareness of M.E.

Truth be known…I need to read my Mount Everest of books before I buy any more. And, equally, I need to actually be well enough to go out and wear the bargain internet, (stuffed to the brim) wardrobe I have already amassed before I go purchasing further… Dream on, La La…cause that ain’t happening any time soon, trapped in this broken body!

My blog helps…

putting my thoughts out there gives me a sense of grounding. I don’t feel so muddled and lost to the outside world… Even if nobody ever reads my M.E. ramblings, I feel so much better mentally- just for off loading!

I am putting all my limited energy into just existing at the moment…That and trying to over-ride the pain and steal the occasional happy moment that reminds me its good to be alive.

If you can bear with… and cope with my snail’s pace suspense, to “watch this space”… I will have the usual all singing-all dancing Sleepydust Fairy blog production for you soon… as soon as I have climbed out of this quagmire of treacle. xxx

pace

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By My Calculations…

life equation

A seemingly eternal “twilight” painsomniac, stinking in my pit, unbelievably sore, unable to move without sounding like a moaning old bitch, and sleep playing “Hide and Seek” with me like an Olympic champion; my mind started contemplating my up coming fight for benefits: The dreaded change over from Disability Living Allowance (DLA) to Personal Independent Payment PIP)… There is Math involved  I have always hated doing sums…And the birds are tweeting already…FFS!

wake up to demons

 

I was given an indefinite award for DLA – Wow!

That was such a relief for someone with a chronic illness… until the rug was pulled out from beneath me!

Now due to  a changing of the goal posts, new hoops, trick questions and the Government redefining every sick and disabled person in the UK as no longer disabled enough to meet the newly formated criteria that once entitled them…

sin of being ill

I now live in real FEAR of losing my Welfare benefits

– the poor pittance that I have scrapped by on for the last several years

The SICK JOKE is…

(See what I did there – the clever play on words!?)

My condition has deteriorated, my health is the worst it has ever been. I am more disabled and dependent on others for my care than at any time during my last 10 years with M.E. -and I face the distinct possibility of not being deemed

“ill” enough to qualify

body refund

Thank you to the Conservative voters, Daily Mail readers and Chanel 5 benefit-bashing aficionados: I really owe you one!

As if LIFE for people with chronic illness isn’t hard enough  – We; the

97% genuine majority of claimants

are at the mercy of the “Tar with the same brush- I’m alright Jack – There but for the grace of God, brigade of bigoted, ill-informed “Have’s” who decide the level of suffering and degradation for the  “Dirty unwashed-NOT worth the shit on their shoe, desperately needy “Have Not’s”

light off

If my M.E. didn’t already make me a chronic insomniac – I would lose sleep over it!!!

In this information age, IGNORANCE is a lazy choice for those who are happy to still be spoon fed or programmed by the establishment!

I sound bitter and twisted, don’t I ?         

I suppose I am, a little…

People don’t choose to be ill and survive off of benefits for the basics and necessities. They don’t choose not to work. They don’t choose what life has thrown at them. They just get on with it and deal with it as best they can.

luck

It is not a CHOICE for millions of people – It’s the luck of the draw!

Anyway,  I digress – Back to the Math that I didn’t want to do…

Part of the application for PIP involves quantifying the level of your illness/disability. You have to work out and approximate to the best of your knowledge how it affects your daily life-now and in the foreseeable future; especially so if you have a fluctuating/ unpredictable/ invisible illness such as

Myalgic

Encephalomyelitis

 

Your GP’s word is not relied upon – neither are your Consultants findings regarded as solid proof in this calculation.

A chronically ill/disabled person has to provide a mountain of evidence to even be considered for PIP – without it they can expect to score ZERO points. 

zero-logo-fb

For a claimant to be in with a hope of a chance of being awarded the level of benefits they are currently on with DLA when they are forced to change over to PIP (even with a present indefinite award) they need to provide reams and reams of extra evidence: Care Plans, Medication and Therapy regimes, Daily Health Diaries, Professional Assessments. Supporting witness statements from care-worker’s, family and friends.

mountain paper

They even have to watch their activity levels on Social Media as that will count against them…

Apparently chronically sick people are not deemed ill if they use the internet.

The DWP have access to that and your bank accounts – and can request access to your utility bills and passport without your say so  – And track your movements, holidays and spending via GPS applications in your Smart phones etc… Tribunals have already been lost becausebig-brother-is-watching-you-1984-george-orwell

 

I have gone off on one again – SORRY folks!

…In order to quantify for DWP calculations, one has to do percentages If something affects you for less than 50% of the time then you shit-out big time! No matter its overall impact on your health, ability to work or your quality of life!

I have to sum up my independent ability to do set DWP activities on a daily basis, over the space of a typical week, day and night. 24/7, 365…

Thank god they don’t want a pie chart…I cant do Excel!???

feel what I feel

I did the Math homework…

I have 3.5 ( you do the fudging percentages) days, on average per week that I would class my illness/condition/ability as

BAD or “worse” days

– were I am (pretty much) stuck in bed

embrace messy hair

I have 3 days that I class as BETTER days

on average per wk when I am housebound, unless my hubby takes me out in my wheelchair, which he has to push as I no longer well enough to self-propel

minions I did a thing

And I have 0.5 days a week (2 and a diddy bit a month) that I would class as

Good Days

where I am able to go out and socialise for limited periods always accompanied  for when I fall flat on my face for pushing my luck and my broken body beyond its capable limits!

you went out

“Dream on Love…

I wish!”

 

A leisurely life of “Duvet Days” and a permanent holiday from work must sound like heaven to those of you healthy sods with busy lives…

Oh, believe me…IT’S NOT!

It’s a mind numbingly boring, completely soul-destroying, bed sore inducing, daylight depriving, one-roomed-world existence – I wouldn’t call it LIVING exactly…

band aid

A “GOOD” day for me

would be the equivalent energy-wise of a lazy, low productivity, take it easy day for the normal healthy person…And frustratingly so– not a deliberate chillaxing day…And I would be completely drained, bone crushingly exhausted,  experiencing severe pain and hobbling about – to the point of collapse by the end of it! But M.E. has taught me to…

appreciate what you have

In order to manage to have those good days, I have to rest up and reserve what little energy I have about a week before.

If I am lucky and my health permits…

I enjoy a day fuelled by desperate need, child-like enthusiasm and charged with a finite supply of adrenaline – bolstered by prescription pain killers, frequent rest periods, pacing techniques, emergency incontinence provisions, disability aids and the loving support of friends and family…

happy dance

For a far too brief, almost stolen moment

I feel ALIVE

Like the old me… I have FUN! …and I am happy, feel blessed and truly grateful…

Then…I CRASH!

I turn into the puffed up, inflamed, pain riddled, unable to move or function M.E. Zombie monster who must take to her bed or DIE! This is what is known as in the chronically ill profession, as

Post Exertional Malaise

It is payback… and payback from a bitch on steroids who has a steam-roller, a baseball bat, a taser, poison darts, a flame thrower, thumb screws,  and a sadistic sense of humour in their arsenal.

It’s like Kathy Bates from “Misery” has set upon me with her sledgehammer!

zombie dawn

It takes me about a week to recover enough to TRY and manage another good day. Often the PEM bitch can have a hold on me for weeks on end while my immune system is busy attacking itself and my mitochondria struggle to work at level where I can function…

Sometimes it can feel like I am never going to have a good day ever again!

Sleeping Snoopy

“Yawn!”

Back to the dreaded DWP Maths homework:

So, the last line of my Life Determining math equation is as follows…

If I get to live another 15 years until I am 65 (calculating in approximately 25 days per year classed as good and the remaining 340 a year as resting/recovering) then that =

Just over a year of GOOD days out of the next 15 years (375 days in total) for the rest of my life (if my illness doesn’t further deteriorate) to look forward to…

It leaves me COLD just thinking about it!

Grim-Reaper

You have to sing this bit:

“IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! Da da, dadadada, da da dah!”

Are you depressed to F#%K yet- cause I know I am !???

 

big hug

Cheers  you heartless – calculating bastards at the DWP for forcing me to quantify the  facts of my mortal limitations and the future that awaits me… I was quite content deluding myself before the government saw fit to interfere…

I don’t feel sorry for myself – nor am I fishing for sympathy…AND I REALLY DON’T WANT your PITY- Thanx!

I am just having a little chat with the Universe, venting a bit of “Pissed-Off”steam and putting to bed a few anxieties, blogging away in the stupid hours when the real world is fast asleep.

If anything – I ask this…

(for everyone – not just  blogging, Sick-Note, old  me)

more kindness

Sprinkle that stuff liberally like confetti

SO IF YOU SPOT ME OUT… daring to enjoy myself – possibly even laughing… looking far healthier than my illness normally allows and society thinks I should – Remember what it took to get me there!

first instinct smile

And if  you are find yourself lucky enough for me to choose to spend one of my remaining

375 GOOD DAYS

with YOU, know that …

I must love you very much indeed and you are extremely special and precious to me- More than you will ever know!

to all those people

And for the rest of you Sleepdust Fairy blog following lovely people…

My sums add up to a Universal Truth precious-time

Time is precious

Make every second count!

make the most of it

M E blog gif

 

 

 

I am Turning Blue!

Dear Sleepydust followers, friends, family and fellow sufferers…

M E aware

This evening: May 12th, the World’s Night Sky lights up BLUE for International M.E. Awareness Day!

#lightupthenight

M E go blue

Social Media is turning BLUE!

Its only one BLUE day amid the myriad of rainbow coloured, equally deserving good causes who need to get the message out. For one single day we ask for our invisible illness to be visible…

M.E. sufferers need your support and understanding for a poorly understood and badly maligned illness…

Some silly Smurfs are a bit perturbed that we pinched their trademark colour…

M E grumpy smurf

But we need to get the word out about a chronic life-changing invisible illness that destroys the lives of men, women and children and kills it’s severest sufferers. There are hundreds of thousands in the UK and millions, World wide, who live with this disabling illness. They are the…

#MissingMillions

M E wristband

There is no current cure for M.E. and very little funding for research. The Media and even some eminent doctors would have you believe it’s all in our heads…

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY PROVES OTHERWISE

This makes me very upset!

M E mad marg

The World Health Organisation has recognised M.E. as a “Debilitating Neurological Disease” since 1969.

M E brain

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is a physical illness which causes inflammation of the brain and nervous system. It is catagorised as an Auto Immune Disease.

It is NOT a psychological disorder (despite what you might have heard!)

N.I.C.E. 2007 Guidelines describe the pain and disabilities associated M.E. as being ON PAR with illnesses such as Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, Congestive Heart Failure, Rheumatoid Arthritis and COPD, to name but a few…

M E hard to say

I never realised how much I took for granted- Working, Socialising, Sex, Dancing, Shopping, Cooking, Cleaning (I don’t miss that one!) Holidays, Gardening, going for walks, playing with my loved ones, wandering off under my own devices… My independence is hanging by a thread… Normal days with M.E. I need help getting out of bed, bathing, washing my hair, using the toilet, dressing, someone to push my wheelchair (Not all of the time- M.E. is a fluctuating condition-but equally NOT safely, reliably or repeatedly, or in a reasonable time, as the DWP has me prove every 2 years or so to be entitled to Welfare Benefits.) Most “Normal” days (Approx 3 per week) are spent housebound in my Pajamas- Just surviving…and blogging when I am able!

M E invisible wb

Bad Days with M.E. I can’t even get out of bed!

(My Bad Days average 3.5 per week) I have spent 10 years living like this- My husband is now my carer. This year my health has deteriorated  so badly that I now have a  Stannah stair-lift, a bath hoist and a Personal Emergency Alarm- besides my wheelchair, walking stick, toilet and bed rails.

I have never let anyone see the real M.E. “me” until now…

People with M.E. hide away… and then they fade away. They get forgotten about because they don’t have the energy or strength to make a song and dance about their illness…They rely heavily on others and feel guilty for being a burden… Those are the lucky ones who don’t have to manage alone!

“M.E. is a living nightmare…My heart goes out to those who fight this illness without support.”

I have the occasional GOOD DAY!

Approximately 2 days a month- when I can pass for the old me!

M E you-dont-look-sick

I used to worry that if I was honest and told people about my illness that they wouldn’t believe me. I hid how bad things were from my husband, my son, my mum…in fact all my family and friends- Shitting yourself and thinking you have early on-set Dementia are not easy to come to terms with even on the best of days…

You learn to “Internalise”

You hide the pain, the fear, the shame, the bone crushing exhaustion, the embarrassing mishaps, the dangerous near misses. You struggle with the simplest of daily tasks. You laugh off the brain fog, the loneliness and isolation, the increasing disability… You disguise your heartbreak. You cry in silence… You paint on a smile!

You pretend to still be YOU!

M E bigger on the inside

Those who love you eventually see that you are not fooling anyone by faking being well!

I “fake” no more…

An Excellent Day as opposed to a Bad Day- I don’t even look like the same person, do I?

I, like most M.E sufferers live in the shadows… in a sort of Zombie-fied, constant pained, half-brained, almost detached from reality existence, fighting with every ounce of our broken selves to hang on to our pre-illness identities…

M E zombie giff

Even IF we could manage it, you wouldn’t want to see us walking around like this… So please

M E dont judge

We are all doing Our Best…

M E blue fairy

…And we live in hope of finding a cure

PLEASE

M E please AB

Support M.E Awareness and remember it’s still “me” in here…

M E beautiful

Make Me a happy little BLUE Bunny

M E Blue bunny

And in return…

M E I promise

to always

M E be positive

No matter what this illness throws at me…

I’ll get by with a little help from my friends

Thanx for F2

#BloggingtilI’mblueintheface

M E go blue

Politically Charged!

27th April 2016

#Warning- A bit serious for some peoples liking and Lefty-Labour sounding off and a touch of Fedupitis

 

Energy at an all time low… Left alone in the early hours with my profound thoughts and pain my constant companion..I have come to the conclusion that this World is becoming an increasingly disheartening, dirty and dangerous place in which to live… Evil has a strangle hold, it would seem… Goodness is not prevailing. The little people don’t seem to matter or even have a voice…

“What are we going to do about it?”

Sore, wobbly woman with walking stick in hand, ready to stand up and be counted…

I want to champion our brave, hardworking JUNIOR DOCTORS and NHS.

I am ill (pretty much) 24/7, 365…and am coming up for my 10 year anniversary with M.E. I battle daily with my chronic poor health:

It “is” My Life…

(Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying!! Well this is the blog of an M.E fighter- So bite me!)

Even with a much maligned, severely underfunded, poorly understood, invisable Illness… I wholeheartedly support our utterly “soul-destroyed” junior doctor’s strike and want to help keep OUR precariously dangling NHS safe. I would happily stand on the picket line shoulder to shoulder…and I commend Mr Corbyn for doing so.

Jeremy Hunt…the supposed “Right Honorable” Minister for Health was brought in by the establishment to systematically destablise, destroy and dismantle The People’s NHS, bit by bit and sell it off to profit making companies- He even wrote a bloody book explaining how, FFS!…No doubt all in readiness for the TTIP agreement (Basically giving control of our England to U.S corporations and taking away our right to choose and our Great British identity-in an under-the-table, secret deal- the papers of which only the chosen few have access to!) A fat-cat back scratching exercise to screw over the little people!

N.B. For those who haven’t yet had the pleasure of Johnathon Pie’s impromptu reports- you’re in for a real treat! 

(Find him on Facebook, YouTube and Twitter- Live show coming soon!)

JP

The private health companies are ready to pounce, all set to profit from pain and suffering and the lucrative business of the steady flow of sick people…

Frankie Boyle put it best for me…

“We now have a government so far to the right that doctors can be seen as dangerous radicals!”

I highly recommend his piece in the Guardian-GO READ!

~~~

On a deeply saddening bittersweet note…

Truth and Justice for the 96!

truth

LIVERPOOL pays tribute: 27 years in search of the Truth & Justice…

Nearly 3 decades to lay the memory of loved ones to rest…

They have not walked alone!

As a mark of respect, I think the Sun Newspaper should stop printing forthwith…

eclipse

We need a total eclipse of

“The Sun”

…And all those involved in the corrupt cover up; the Yorkshire Police, the politicians, the media mogels, should be named, shamed and prosecuted. All of them are in it for the power, profit and public manipulation.

You watch them spin doctor it now to save their own arses!

Out with Boris the Buffoon!

boris-hill

Out with this self-servative government…

cam-hill

David…The Black Cat was there all the time! What will your masters have you spout now?

cat grin

Oh and what about those poor 3,000 unaccompanied refugee children you don’t want to home or have anything to do with, Mr Prime Minister? There are approximately 2,000 towns in the UK, with just an ounce of common decency and a happ’ath of common sense, this tragedy could easily be solved! I don’t need the benefit of an Oxford education to tell me that!

refugees

poli

Another bad guy in this weeks spotlight…

I will let you be the jury…

reeva

Independent forensic investigators have made shocking new claims that Oscar Pistorius beat Reeva Steenkamp with a cricket bat before shooting her to death in the early hours of Valentines 2013.

Two injuries on the models back match the tip of the bat. It is also possible that he shot at her with an air rifle in his egotistical rage, prior to her trying to escape from him in the bathroom toilet.

To my mind this excuse for a man has gotten away with First Degree Murder disguised as Culpable Homicide.

monsters are human

The good guys…

The Great British FRACK OFF!

Well done Emma and Sophie- Parodying The Great British Bake Off: The Thompson sisters, today breaking a high court injunction to highlight the damage and dangers of the Conservative government handing out licences for fracking – see YouTube! The BBC won’t report it- just you watch!

Even being sprayed by animal effluent by the fracking field’s angry farmer and their public demonstration being called into question by the beat bobbies didn’t deter their indomitable “green” spirit!

I would’ve loved to have donned my wellies and joined them!

emma

And if you are still on the fence about being an “Inny” or an “Outie” I recommend you watch Patrick Stewart’s, Monty Python spoof-sketch of The Life of Brian…

“What has the ECHR ever done for us?”

patrick

How about… The RIGHT to a Fair Trial, Privacy, Freedom from Torture and Degrading Treatment, Freedom from Torture, Freedom from Slavery, The right of freedom of religion, Freedom of expression…to name but a few!?

If you want to escape this cruel corporate led world for an hour well spent…

 

Countryfile’s Shakespeare Special with Dame Judi Dench was a soul-pleasing, magical watch. I hope you can still catch it…

(The BBC can still get a few things right!)

It soothed and calmed my otherwise, world-weary self…

judi

“This royal throne of kings, this sceptered isle

This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,

This other Eden, demi-paradise,

This fortress built by nature herself,

Against infection and the hand of war,

This happy breed of men, this little world,

This precious stone set in the silver sea,

Which serves it in the office of a wall,

Or as a moat defensive to a house,

Against the envy of less happier lands,

This blessed plot, this earth, this realm

This England.”

green

The little girl in me: Lesleyanne-franakapan, she still holds romantic notions of this time honored, green and pleasant land, its monarchy, its history, its fallen heroes, its poets and bards, and at its very centre…Its genuine heart of common people…

real monsters

My grown-up self hangs its head in shame at the reality of its home bred MONSTERS who come in all shapes and guises and every echelon of society, who would abuse, deprive, dumb-down, step on/over his fellow man for personal gain and would have you live in a constant state of fear in order to control you…

anonymous_3491945b

“Be the change you want to see in this World…!”

#Trytowalkovermeatyourperil!

Little Miss Sunshine

A very special Happy Birthday to my niece…

Florence

The little girl with the most beautiful heart I know, is

6 today!

A few people want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY

We hope you have a magical birthday

I just wanted to share a few special memories with you, dear Florence

I know you love dressing up…

Mermaid. Fairy princess. Princess Elsa.

A Beautiful Senoirita. A Pirate.  Princess Barbie.

Where’s Wally. A Firefighter. A Christmas Angel.

You have also been a pink butterfly and a baby snowman and you rock

“Deely-Boppers”

You love face painting

Sometimes you get upset, and sulk and get up to naughty things too.

But not very often…

And we never, ever, ever STOP loving you.

You make a wonderful Peanuts cartoon.

You love singing, dancing, books, arts & crafts, playing at the beach, swimming and having bubble baths, chocolate, parties, picnics, camps and sleepovers.

You are a very caring little girl… and I think you may grow up to be  Doctor one day!

You are a real life little Care Bear with a very sensitive heart.xx

Care bear

And the best ever big sister

F bs

You are beautiful inside and out

Elsa wants to wish you Happy Birthday

F FHB

Be careful that Olaf doesn’t eat all the cake…ha ha!

F HBO

BIG HERO 6 have a message for you because they think you are a very special little girl too

F BH6

And Snoopy sends you Happy Birthday wishes…

F Peanuts

Inside Out are very excited its your birthday

F IO

and Little Mix and One Direction want you to have a very Happy birthday

The past six years have gone so fast… You have so many people who love you. You are an amazing little girl…full of sunshine and smiles.

BIG HUGGLES & KISSES

Fpbg

Happy 6th Birthday

FLORENCE

F2

I hope you have a fabulous day out at Lego-Land.

I am so sorry that I am not well enough to come with you, Sweetheart. Please make sure you take lots of photos for me.

Lots and lots of love from

Auntie La La and Grumpy xxxxxx

SO…MR BOND

#Warning: The”C” word-blame Tom Hardy- not me!

JB 007

JB logo

As a kid; a Bank Holiday always involved a James Bond film… A bit of Bond; James Bond, made mine and my little brother’s day. We’d be goggle-eyed, transfixed to the Telly…you didn’t move to eat, answer the door or go for a tinkle -There was no pause button on the Box back then! (This was back in the day when the spare loo roll had a doll in a knitted dress stuffed in it, Spam was a prime source of protein and everybody had a phone table in the hallway.)

Who is the ultimate James Bond?

JB ranked

 

Only Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig have ever floated my boat- Bondage wise!

JB Beach.gif

OKAY LADIES…

You can scroll down now… ‘er hum!

Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby didn’t do anything for me in the suave department. Not quite the right mix of handsome gentleman come devilish brute. They didn’t sizzle!…More Pork Chop than Beef Steak for my tastes.

(See *My Sex Kitten Days are Over, blog post for reference)

JB move

The sizzle-free Bond films were all about the action, the super villains, the gadgets  and the espionage for me

JB int

JB villains

Not forgetting…

JB pink panther

I quite enjoyed David Niven in the spoof Casino Royale…But that because I loved the Pink Panther films and his Black & White war movie- British stiff upper lip persona. Barry Nelson? Never heard of him. Have you? Bazzer was the very first 007 in an 1954 TV adaptation… (I checked it out- Your not missing much!)

Can you name which Bond did what?

Little bro’ Andrew “Me, me, me…I can !”

JB list

That’s a considerable amount of Bond girls, Martinis, fast cars and licensed kills, James! Your 54 this year and you seem to get better with age…

JB Y.gif

I have a bottle of Dom Perignon ’53 chilling in the fridge for us…

“Will you pop for me?”

Make yourself comfortable. And while I have your undivided attention…

Did I tell you that I write a blog?

JB blog hobby

I am reliably informed you’re idea of safe sex involves a Walther PPK under the pillow and that you’re a cunning linguist. That could come in very handy for my blog…

I know you like to get down and dirty… but…

JB dirty

I got a Nespresso Machine for my birthday. It makes excellent coffee. The pink Rosabaya pods are lovely. George and Jack love ’em…I will make you one, if you prefer?

JB ness

“Tell me about it!”

My blogs all about M.E. have you heard of it? I find sitting up in a chair for long periods quite painful… I knew you of all people would understand because you’ve been there and bought the T-shirt…

JB chair

I get terrible Hemorrhoids too, Daniel… sorry James. Do you mind if I call you Daniel?

A little birdy told me you’ve had enough of being James Bond. Could you sum up how you feel about it in one word?

done

I had to give up work too.. I can’t do it anymore…So I know how you feel.

I know you’re a SEXIST, MISOGYNIST, DINOSAUR…

( I have one of my own at home) You’re big teddy bears really…

“I’ll miss you, James”

JB postcard

Okay that would be lovely, I’ll pop it on the fridge. Shall we finish off the bubbly before it reaches 38 degrees *F ?

I know James Bond isn’t every-bodies cup of tea…

He’s a man of few words, who destroys every car he gets his hands on…”Standard operating procedure. Boys with toys” apparently!

I love the escapism…

I find the films timeless classics and hope to one day watch them with the little movie lovers in my life as I have done with my husband, brother and son..

Do you know that there are actually people out there who avoid Bond films like the plague and some have never even seen them? Well you don’t know what your missing…

What Dame Judi and I want to know is…

JB Judi

Would you believe  it? Ian Fleming named his spy: James Bond after an American Bird Wildlife expert. Stating that he chose the name “Bond” because he wanted 007 to be “an extremely dull man to whom things happened…”

What do you say to that James?

JB dream

I have the recipe for the perfect Martini- For Your Eyes Only…Shaken, of course!

There you go!

I have something that will tickle you…You look like you could do with a good belly laugh- I love that tongue-in-cheek, “dead-pan” humor of yours. It’s very sexy…But you always seem so serious. This will make you giggle…

Helium balloons at the ready?

JB David B

What do you think boys?

JB joking

What do you think James, did I make you laugh?

JB funny Sean

Daniel is leaving us…

There is a job opportunity opening up- They are some big shoes to fill.

There’s list of possible contenders…

Idris Elba literally smolders as the strong silent Secret Service type. Tom Hardy is a London lethall weapon with the cheek of the devil and is a walking advert for the crisp white shirt. James Norton can switch from Happy killer to cool sophisticated charmer. Taron Egerton has a very competent naughty school boy appeal and is a kings man, and Benedict Cumberbatch can keep his head when the sky’s falling in and is a suitable intellectual adversary for any cat stroking villain.

 There are other less charismatic actors in the running…

Dan Stevens from Downton Abbey…M’mmm- not enough fire in his belly. Michael Fassbender…James McAvoy…Henry Carvill…Daniel Lewis… NAH!!!

I like Tom..

JB Tom

But I also like Idris…

JB idis come

Idris Tweeted me…

Tom got a bit upset…

JB Tom cunt

I calmed him down. “Tom, Tom… it not up to me. It’s that Broccoli family who have the last say… I know its cruciferous! If it were up to me, well, I am sure we could come to an amicable arrangement?!

Would I? That’s classified information! If I told you, I’d have to kill you”

#Happilymarriedwoman.x

Bridget Jones & Me…

She’s back September 2016…

It time to dust off the big pants for Bridget Jones 3!BJ3

I recently read (and for the purposes of this blog and your entertainment will be “pinching” from) an article by MEGAN GARBER: writer at The Atlantic; See *Quotes from: How Bridget Jones’s Diary Predicted the Age of Oversharing.

(Basically outlining why, 15 years on, the film has stood the test of time because it foresaw the culture of social media…and its impact on the average “Jane”)

I think Bridget’s voice- the voice of uncertainty- echos in all of us, to some degree.

I identified with her so much…she became my friend for rainy days…and my days of self loathing and haunting self doubt…I felt less of a social missfit!

BJ feel like an idiot

I fell in love with her a little bit because she held my hand and helped me to like myself…and laugh at myself…

And find the right man-funnily enough!

BJ Mr right

 

My blog is an almost unconscious emulation of her Diary in many ways: an externalisation of my feelings, my secret inner me… a journal of self discovery. It’s a therapy of sorts- seeing ones thoughts down on the page… I have always had a diary; ever since I was a teenager- its a compulsion that I happily embrace-

Talking to myself has kept me sane!

BJ universe

With today’s Facebook posts, Tweets, What’s App messages and Instagram’s we are all opening ourselves up to the public eye.  Social Media is a fascinating insight into peoples characters- it helps us get closer to each another- bridge the ignorance gap and touch one another’s lives through shared experiences. Emotional bonds develop and good vibes travel through the ether…  I wanted My blog to do the same with snap shots of my life warts and all… AND it’s doing just that… and doing my heart the world of good to boot- kissing away life’s bruises in the process.

BJ snow

The Sleepydust Fairy is My Bridget Jones’s Diary…

..My blog is the script to the movie that is my life with all its flaws and complications. An expose, heartfelt in design, to remove division and foster greater understanding of invisable illness in all its forms.

I loved how BJD turned her personal thoughts into media for an audience of self depricating sisters who are Swans on the outside- yet Duck’s paddling like crazy on the inside.

I love how the darkest and most difficult times of Bridget’s life are delivered in an upbeat Rom-Com fashion. I think it has mass appeal because its warm, laugh-out-loud comical, brutally honest and touches on women’s realities.

Just like my best pal Bridget, I have no time for Fake People or Assholes. I have no patience for people who insult my intelligence. There is no room in my life for “stick insect” judgementalists. I struggle to keep my dignity intact… but in my own unique way I am caring and trying my best  at life…

BJ how much like

Bridget and I are similar in so many ways…

I have got embarrassingly drunk at a Work’s do. (Haven’t we all?)

I spent half my life comfort eating…

BJ comfort eating

I spend my indoor life permanently in PJ’s

I have murdered and slurred my way through a karaoke classic.

I have had two handsome men vying for my affections BJ blokes

And ended up marrying one…

BJ happy ever after

I have had an shock-horror mistaken “Drugs” incident at an airport. (Yes, really!)

I have fed my face with Ben & Jerry’s wrapped in a duvet of self-pity.

I have had a hysterically funny “un-noticed by me ” make-up faux pas.

I have had a women infatuated with me and totally failed to notice.

I love Vodka and Chaka Khan.

I AM loved for my wobbly bits…

BJ wobbly bits

(Men like a REAL woman)

BJ high regard

I am not obsessed with “man-getting” these days, or impressing bosses. I no longer wear see-through blouses…and I am very careful near puddles in traffic. BIG GIRL PANTS have been my savior and I have a healthy balance of “Good girl” and “What the eye doesn’t see” Mother, Daughter relationship… with my Mum.

BJ mum

I get my head around living with M.E by taking the proverbial out of myself… I like the idea of putting myself in the lead role of accident prone, risque- borderline foolish, Romantic Heroine.

IF I invite you to laugh with me- NOT at me… the tears melt away!

BJ i love you

For me *”Bridget embodies the divide between the ‘is’ and the ‘does’….” You feel privy to her thoughts. *”Bridget explores the GAP between how we feel we are expected to be and how we actually are” I love her thought processes and different interactions for given situations with: her man, family, friends, work, and her audience…

*”Via her diary, audiences are able to see who Bridget really is” …and relate.

*Bridget Jones’s Diary hold’s up because of the universalities that Fielding borrowed from Jane Austen- Namely the divide between romantic expectation and romantic reality. The failures of first impressions. The power of misunderstandings. The disconnect between what we know of people and what they actually are.The fundamental and frustrating fact that feelings, for the most part, are invisible…

Also because it predicted the Internet’s power to externalise a persons inner thoughts- reveal a look-see beyond perceived misconceptions; by making public the everyday mundane of ordinary peoples lives, they became extraordinary… and yet the same:

Thus enabling empathy…

Bridget Jones has so many Life Lessons…

  1. You are never too old to be embarressed by your parents. (as my friend recently found out when her service provider shared her Cloud with her parents iphones on the same joint contract!)
  2. Don’t be too impressed by first impressions.
  3. Scales DO NOT determine a women’s beauty.
  4. Success is often found where you least expect it…(People interested in my bowel movement horror stories- Really?)
  5. Don’t believe everything you hear.
  6. You are perfect just the way you are.
  7. Don’t apply make up in the back of a moving vehicle.
  8. There is someone for everyone.
  9. Never let yourself be undervalued.
  10. Sometimes Vodka and Chaka Khan is the answer.
  11. Sometimes tiny knickers don’t cut the mustard. VPL!
  12. Happy Endings do happen.

I can’t wait for the film…BUT I couldn’t bring myself to read the latest book in the series… I was too devastated!!!

FYI: Girlies… Hugh Grant, sadly, really is a bit of a twonk! … my chef friend serves him up snacks several times a year… and he is his character – that’s not acting!

BJ hugh

#ShameIreallylikedhiminLoveActually